The honeymoon period in most marriages has a shelf life. But does that mean you can’t bring back those fluttery butterfly feelings of excitement and anticipation everyone experiences at the beginning of a relationship? Absolutely not. All marriages maneuver through rough patches. Some don’t survive long enough to come out the other side unscathed. But many do. Here are 11 ways to keep your marriage fresh.
- Take care of your appearance.
It’s easy to let your appearance slip when you’ve been married for a long time and have a few children. Consider the first time you met your mate. Would you have gone about without brushing your teeth and wearing dirty sweatpants? No, I don’t think so. I’m not suggesting you have to dress like Julianne Moore every time you watch television. But I’ve seen far too many couples go from Cliff and Clair Huxtable to Dan and Roseanne Connor, and it’s always ended badly.
As I step out the door for a girls’ night out, my hubby may occasionally say, “Wow, you look wonderful.” At the very least, show your spouse the same politeness you show your friends by getting ready for him or her every now and then.
2. Take responsibility
It’s that simple, and it’s one of the keys to a happy marriage. Take responsibility for your accomplishments and shortcomings when working on a project.
Remember to take responsibility for your actions, including everything you did or said, especially if it was cruel, unthoughtful, or caused difficulties, when you and your partner have a disagreement or fight.
3. Watch your words
The first thing you should never say to your long-term partner is, “Don’t you think our new neighbour is attractive?” You merely think you want to know the answer to that question. It’s also never a good idea to begin a sentence with the phrase “You know it’s always been your problem that…” Who wants to hear something like that from their significant other? We should all, at this stage, have a very decent understanding of ourselves, and having someone you care about call out a flaw in this way does little to foster a caring connection.
4. Do not control
Married people frequently reach a point where they lose themselves, succumb to envy or feelings of inadequacy, forget that they are separate individuals from their partners, and want to control them. The majority of the time, this is done unintentionally as expectations rise over time.
Communication, independent time, and appropriate pleasures are what keep any pair on track. Get a handle on it or make an appointment with a family counselor if you feel you are being controlled or are the controller.
“A compliment a day keeps the divorce attorney away,” says the proverb. Acknowledging and complimenting your partner’s great qualities on a daily basis will go a long way in your relationship.
Maintain a good attitude and keep notice of what your spouse excels in. When things get tough and his less-than-stellar qualities emerge, instead of focusing on the negative, try shifting gears and focusing on the positive.
6. Relish the silence.
Sometimes the best solution to an issue is to simply walk away from it — as in, let it go completely. Every slight does not have to be answered. Keep in mind that not all insults are meant to be taken seriously. As much as possible, practice letting go. Please forgive me even more. Forget about it. Bite the tip of your tongue till it bleeds. And don’t forget to remind yourself why you married this individual every now and again. Concentrate on those factors and let the others go unmentioned.
The key to successful silence, on the other hand, is to truly let the situation go. If you remain silent while harboring negative ideas, ulcers will develop. “Let It Be,” like the Beatles sang.
7. Date night
This is the most ignored and overlooked suggestion among the other tips for a successful marriage among couples, especially those who have been married for a long time. What a couple does on their date night is irrelevant.
Simply having a night where they spend all of their time together strengthens and sustains their closeness. Turn your phones off and put them away before going out on a date night to avoid distractions.
8. Be a good listener
Most partners dread this term, but did you know that providing a foundation for good dialogues is the way to go if you want to have a great relationship?
While all women should practice active listening, we believe that men should pay special attention to this area. Men frequently fail to recognize that all their partner requires is a listening ear.
Keep in mind that listening and hearing are not synonymous. Our hearts are involved in listening. Open yours, listen to what she has to say, gaze at her while she is speaking, even paraphrase her, and reassure yourself.
Listening is the fundamental secret to a great marriage, or any relationship for that matter.
9. Remind your partner that you appreciate them
After many years of marriage, the passionate kiss as your partner enters in the door can quickly turn into a peck on the check, which can later turn into an unwillingness to even look up from your computer. There have been times in my 23-year marriage when I’ve felt like my husband and I had grown so accustomed to each other that we were sinking into a suffocating — albeit comfortable — routine. However, there is a significant danger in doing so. According to studies, nearly half of men who cheat claim it was due to emotional discontent rather than sex. Men who do not feel connected to or valued by their spouses are vulnerable to the overtures of any attractive woman.
10. Be independent
We must first be happy in order to be happy in a relationship. That is, after all, the key to a happy relationship. With this in mind, wives and husbands must continue to set aside time for themselves, pursue personal interests, and spend time apart in general.
Not only does time apart make the heart grow fonder, but it also allows us to reconnect with our spiritual side, re-establish our sense of self, and keep track of our personal preferences, goals, and achievements.
On the other side, being reliant reduces your resolve and capacity to move forward as a free thinker.