How to coexist together happily ever after? The secret of family harmony lies in these 13 points. For those who do not want to spend money on the state fee for divorce.
Everyone has acquaintances who have been married for an incredibly long time. As a rule, these couples observe a certain code of conduct. No, not even that. This code is observed by one of the couples. And the second, whatever his habits, views, and character, as a result, is bound hand and foot, paralyzed and completely happy with this state of affairs.
So, if for any reason you are interested in recipes for guaranteed family consent, take a closer look at the following rules. Maybe they will seem stupid to you only at the first reading.
Regulation No. 1
Family is not a place for discussion
You can be deeply sure that Tarantino is a million times cooler than Zvyagintsev, and raccoons are funnier than opossums. But if your young lady passionately insists on the opposite opinion – agree with her. After all, raccoons and quarantines are the last reason for dividing property, and frequent disputes about extraneous trifles are a fungus that corrodes the foundations of your family life.
We mechanically train in the ability to insist on our own in sparring with loved ones, and 10-15 small skirmishes per day are the norm for any couple. We argue for the sake of argument, for the sake of indulgence to deny ourselves “haircut!”, When we hear “shaved!”. We generally believe that this way of talking is the only interesting one, but as a result, our subconscious learns to see in a person dear to us a constant opponent for any reason, which at one point turns out to be no longer expensive, but alien and unpleasant, causing the only strong desire – to pull a pot of schams to his ears. Do we need it? To hell with raccoons! You’re absolutely right, darling!
Not having the habit of constant remorse at each other over the little things is an extremely good thing for a relationship. And the ability to maintain your opinion, keeping it, however, with you at the wrong time, will be a pleasant skill for any other relationship, even business. This is called “good upbringing”, and once rich parents paid rabid tyshchi governesses who knew how to instill it in noble offspring.
Regulation No. 2
I don’t care where the floor lamp stands
But disputes are not only abstract but also having something to do with reality. Where to go on vacation, what to buy for dinner, where to put a floor lamp. Oddly enough, but with strict adherence to rule No. 1, battles around serious issues also lose their intensity. When you don’t have the habit of beating your foreheads for any reason, you’re much more willing to compromise.
Moreover, you do not have the Minsk negotiations – you actually have the same goals: to relax normally, eat well and live in a comfortable apartment. If the goals are still slightly different, then imagine large scales, on one bowl of which the floor lamp swings, standing in the “right” corner, and on the other – peace and quiet in the family. Now make a choice.
In the families of the pullers, according to my observations, there are just piles of things lying on the first cup, but they still can not pull the arrow to their side. It does not matter who again did not twist the cap on the toothpaste, who has hands growing from what place, and who spent money on goldfish set aloof on the binder. The most that happens here is a smile and such a good-natured shaking of the head: “Ai-ya-ya… Oh well.”
When the absolute priority becomes a caring attitude towards each other, irritation weakens due to the fact that some things are not going as you wanted. Happy people from birth are fully endowed with this gift: they are able to masterfully close their eyes to any everyday troubles and even to the shortcomings of their neighbors and get sincere pleasure, making family and friends happier. But even if you did not manage to be born with this magical apparatus in the genocide, you can try to cultivate it in yourself.
Regulation No. 3
If you are forced to do something you don’t want, do it calmly and cheerfully.
“Since I’ve been dragged to this party, I’m going to sit there dark and lonely — let them not do that to me another time.” “Of course, I will nail this shelf right during the match, but I will hiss and swear all the way and even put a hammer on my finger so that some people will understand that they are wrong!”
The result is a loss in three parameters at once. First, you’re still doing what you didn’t want to do. Secondly, you forbid yourself to get any pleasure from the process and the result, and in fact, it was not so impossible. Thirdly, instead of gratitude to you now feel irritation. Bingo!
And what you thought was a win is actually a loss too. Yes, next time she will think carefully before asking you to do something. You understand how nutritious it is for a particularly gentle attitude towards you.
But if you spend the entire coronation of the winners of the cat show with a smile on your face and never faint from existential longing, you will get all the laurels of a noble husband. And the next time, hearing you’re “Can I still stay at home?”, You will also try to treat with understanding.
Regulation No. 4
Do not hesitate to praise, even if there is nothing for
Did she make a delicious soup? Did she make a soup that tasted like real soup? Did she cook some stuff that ate a pot, broke a window, went down a fire pipe, and joined a foreign legion? Listen, why would you search for some abstract and boring truth? Say: “You’re so good!” Say: “And you know, not bad at all!” Say: “You are the best of all.”
And yes, do not be afraid that now this soup will be with you forever. Believe me, she understands no worse than you that it turned out to be generally rubbish and something needs to be done with the recipe. But in the world, as luck would have it, there are very few people who will praise her for everything she does. It’s cool if you become such a person.
You made her feel good – she experienced a slight surge of sympathy for you. And it just took moving your lips. And in general, the ability to insincerely, but convincingly praise is an important skill in many professions. And here is such a great simulator for round-the-clock exercises!
Regulation No. 5
Ask less often, help more often without requests
The best thing about being alone is being able to manage yourself, your actions, and your time. In the best couples, this freedom is preserved. We get tired, wittingly or unwittingly, of constant requests, commands, and orders.
No matter how correct and justified they may be, in the end, they begin to cause us protest and irritation. Try to ask and demand as little as possible. Even requests to transfer salt or serve a cup from the buffet are best minimized. And in order not to become a victim of demanding pressure, try to anticipate her expected requests. Volunteer to go to the store, cook dinner, help with work. So you will feel not like a boy on errands, but the master of the situation.
In fact, we don’t like not only to fulfill someone’s constant requests. Adult representatives of homo sapiens also do not like to make requests: this always slightly humiliates the begging. The less relationship “asked – done” will be in your couple, the less stress will get both.
Regulation No. 6
Never scream. Never at all
Screaming is an emotional reaction caused by two emotions: fear and aggression. You, of course, can periodically experience them in the midst of the heavenly bliss of your family life.
But to demonstrate them to the partner, in any case, is not necessary. Otherwise, she will feel and copy them, and, thus, a random cloud in your sky has every chance to turn into a real thunderstorm ridge. Because we all know what a strong relationship is all about: respect, trust, and crazy sex. So, screaming definitely spoils the first and second, without making the third better.
If she yells at you, it’s a little less sad, because her fear does not humiliate her in your eyes, and her aggression, I would like to believe, does not frighten. Answering her in a calm voice, you with a probability of 95 percent gradually accuse of her, figuring out the relationship, not to compete in decibels. Even if her mom and dad always communicated in such a way that they blocked the jet engines of a neighboring airbase, over time you will have your own rules of dispute. However, if she continues to regularly scream and squeal in response to your quiet rustle – this is a very sad call. Because this is the behavior of a sociopath – a person with severe disorders in the field of communication and social adaptation.
Regulation No. 7
No matter how bad your mood is, no matter what is going on at work, in your head, in the country, and on TV, it should not apply to her. No, you don’t have to shine with happiness 24 hours a day. You can be sullen, angry, and embittered, but it is very important in response to her question “What happened?” not to give up evil: “Nothing!” Say that you are in a bad mood, but she has absolutely nothing to do with it, on the contrary – she is a ray, you can say, in the dark realm. And now, if the beam finally dances to drink coffee with buns, you, with her permission, will break the furniture a little and beat your forehead against the wall.
After all, she really wants to believe that makes you happy, this is the meaning of your relationship for her. And it is very important to regularly show her this happiness of yours.
When you say you’re happy and you smile, you’re fooling one person for a while. Themselves. We are so arranged that our words and expressions not only reflect our feelings but also partly control them. And to be guaranteed to be happy at least one second a day is already something, you can live with it further.
Regulation No. 8
Do not neglect the formalities
Chocolate spleen on the 14th, yellow vegetation on the 8th, a request for a hand and heart on the knee… Yes, of course, this is stupid, meaningless, mass-cultural, and not respected by educated modern people.
Maybe that’s why there are so many divorces among educated modern people?
The significance of ritual for our consciousness is enormous, no matter how much we ignore this fact. A person who was not given a box in a striped wrapper for the New Year is somewhat different from the person to whom it was given, even if in the box there was completely meaningless in all its merciless splendor. Ritualism is very important for our psyche. In two words, our brain is designed in such a way that a symbol for us is often more important than reality, because reality still needs to be caught by the tail, realized and analyzed, and the symbol immediately determines your place on the coordinate system. You are loved, you are needed, you are in the pack.
Regulation No. 9
Don’t say something behind her back that you wouldn’t say to her in the eye.
We are often embarrassed to speak well about our wives and husbands. We are embarrassed: they may think that we are bragging, that we are the second number in the family duo, that we are too stupid and do not see the shortcomings of our spouses. Therefore, whining at husbands and grumbling at wives is commonplace in conversations. And this behavior is generally wrong.
First, this grumbling can be conveyed to her by kind people. Secondly, by belittling it in other people’s eyes, you belittle it in your own. And thirdly, your shares in the eyes of interlocutors also fall: you turn into a loser who contacted an unsuitable girl and does not know how to establish his family life. And vice versa: words of love, respect, and admiration for one’s own wife in all three cases will work in the opposite way.
Yes, of course, serious problems in a couple can be discussed with very close friends. But only with very close ones. And very carefully choosing terms.
We are judged not only by ourselves but also by those around us. And, the right word, it is much more effective to be a companion of a beautiful, wise, and noblewoman than an innocent victim of a stupid, ugly bitch.
Regulation No. 10
Be exaggerated attentive to her in the presence of strangers.
This is a supplement to Rule No. 9. No, you do not need to cover her with kisses and grab her for different parts of the body in public, but smiling at her, saying compliments, openly demonstrating your joy from her society is very correct behavior.
Women in relationships often yearn for this gallant and even demonstrative courtship, which is usually studiously avoided by regular partners, not to mention husbands. And why do you need this longing?
By the way, others will also like your affection for your companion – certainly more than a demonstration of independence and indifference to her. Because bickering, picking and squashing between married couples is the worst, but, alas, almost a mandatory dish at any event. Be a nice exception!
Regulation No. 11
Yes, women have developed intuition, they understand the feelings and desires of the interlocutor better than men, even if he does not openly talk about them. But even better they understand all this when they explain in detail what the interlocutor still wants. They say women are mysterious. Ha! We’re just an open suitcase compared to a gloomy chest locked in a hundred locks! A chest that, after a year of dull silence, suddenly packs up and moves away from us, because for a long time he can no longer bear it all.
So, look: if a) you are not satisfied with something in your life, b) something that she can change, c) something specific that she can change, and not some general wish – then it will be appropriate to still formalize your feelings into words.
And this “I was silent when she painted purple, I didn’t say anything, when she encrusted her teeth with malachite stars, I put up with the goat in the bedroom, but vegetarian Thursdays finished me off” – so, it’s just not fair. Tell!
© Provided by: MAXIM Speak!
Oddly enough, a huge number of people do not really realize their real goals. Meanwhile, having clearly formulated them for ourselves or for someone else, we are easier to achieve them, because we know exactly where we are going. And, perhaps, it is in a frank conversation with a girl that you realize with exceptional clarity for the first time that in fact more than anything in the world you want to start an apiary near Volokolamsk, study Chinese in your free time, and collect pre-revolutionary toffees.
Regulation No. 12
Keep your ears and eyes away from her secrets
Privacy only works in both directions. If you’re sad that someone is grazing on your cell phone and pinching your mail, show exceptional reverence for her mail, her iPhones, and her handbags.
“I’m sorry, honey, I can’t answer this email instead of you because I don’t want to know your password. I’m sorry, this is unacceptable to me: this is your personal space.” It won’t work right away, but in general, such things are contagious.
And in fact, there is nothing you can do in her personal space. You know less, you sleep harder. And then imagine: you will see in her correspondence the word “breathy” or, for example, find out that she tells her friends about sex with you.
Regulation No. 13
Lie and be silent
You didn’t love anyone more than her. You didn’t feel so good with anyone. You haven’t experienced anything like that. She’s the best thing that happened to you in life. Somehow.
The more confident she will be in your enthusiastic adoration, the more serene she will let you go fishing, business trips, and corporate activities. In men, everything is somewhat different, but in women, hellish jealousy very often develops from a tiny seed of self-doubt.