6 Things to Do to Always Be Loved by Others

You won’t always be able to please everyone: there are people who will “hate” you just by seeing you and who won’t understand your personality, humor, or style, but, although it’s not the end of the world if your colleagues don’t like you, being nice (or at least looking like it) can bring you many benefits, like helping to get a raise at work or so that you can work well in a team.

When you are a child, you can be loved by another child simply because he likes the same cartoons and the same games, but when you become an adult everything is a little more difficult: it is because you become more complicated and selective with age, and you start to pay more attention to the things that bother you in others, which can be something as basic as the fact that their shoes are ugly or that their laughter is very loud.

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The good news is that it’s all about psychology and there are tricks that can help anyone be appreciated by others and make a good impression when meeting new people, which applies to colleagues in the office you just arrived in, or when you go to dinner with your in-laws for the first time.

Being appreciated by others is the first step to building relationships (several scientific studies say so), and it is important for happiness, well-being and even to do a little networking and be able to progress in the world of work.

An FBI behavior expert named Robin Dreeke (who was the head of the FBI’s behavioral analysis program) found the formula to do this. Dreeke wrote the book “It’s Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anybody,” and explains what he learned about human behavior, and what we can do to make others accept us, consider us kind, and appreciate us forever.

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How to make yourself loved by others?

Ask for the opinion of others, without judging

Robin Dreeke says that “the number one strategy is validation without judgment. Ask for someone else’s ideas and opinions without judging them. People don’t want to be judged for their thoughts or opinions or actions – that doesn’t mean you agree with someone. Validation is about taking the time to understand what their needs, desires, dreams, and aspirations are.”

It’s about keeping an open mind, listening, and not judging what you hear, but trying to understand the other person and where their position comes from. Studies show that people take pleasure when they talk about themselves, and you can use this to your advantage.

Control your ego

It refers to not putting your own needs, opinions, and feelings ahead of those of others, not trying to always take control, and turning every situation into something that revolves around you. You need to allow others to also have their moments and feel seen, heard, and validated, in addition to the fact that it is important that you celebrate their achievements and not take them as your own.

What’s more, neuroscience says that when people feel like someone is contradicting them, it prepares their brains for battle, and it’s not ideal for relationships.

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You need to listen

It’s not about pretending to listen while waiting for a gap to talk about what you want, you have to be attentive, really understand what the other person is saying and give him time to say and explain what he wants, respond accordingly in the conversation and never in an aggressive or hostile way.

One study found that when you tell a person to tell you more about a topic, it makes you more enjoyable and even increases their desire to help you and be close to you.

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The right questions

A good way to show interest is to ask questions about someone’s life, but the type of questions are important. Don’t ask how much they earn, how many cars they have, or how many vacation days they take in the Caribbean. You should address more human topics, from the type of movies they like to watch, to their favorite childhood memories.

You should also seek advice, as studies have shown that, even if it doesn’t look like it, seeking advice is a good way to influence others, as well as a good approach that helps you be more persuasive.

Help them relax

Robin Dreeke says that people who don’t know you feel more relaxed when they think you’re not going to stay long (because otherwise, it can add to the fear and pressure to keep talking and not stand without something to say). Then you can ask if it’s the right time or says you have to leave soon (because no one wants to feel trapped).

You need to do everything you can to appear calm and relaxed, otherwise, you might make the other person more stressed. It is also important that you read the signs, to know whether or not you should approach someone.

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Body language

Your body language is very important and can make or break the trust of others. Your attitude should be positive and relaxed, and your body should demonstrate this as well by avoiding overly defensive or aggressive postures (for example, don’t get too close to talking to someone you’ve just met). Science says that smiling is essential for building confidence and creating a more relaxed atmosphere.

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