How to be more persuasive and get what you want

You have to learn to be more persuasive, and that has nothing to do with manipulating or imposing your ideas, but with learning how to use the right tools to be convincing and get what you want, whether it’s a raise, a vacation, or changing your in-laws’ minds about you.

Being persuasive can help you especially at work (or during a job interview), as you can use this ability to negotiate salaries, hours, vacation days, and all sorts of benefits, so they don’t ignore you (or just give you a NO) every time you want to ask for something or come up with an idea.

It is a very useful and necessary “skill”, and the best part is that it is something that can be learned over time and with the right (psychological) keys. In addition, studies indicate that people have a hard time saying “no” and prefer to be cooperative with others, so it won’t be too complicated to learn how to use this “superpower”.

Vanessa Bohns, social psychologist, professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University and author of “You Have More Influence Than You Think: How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion and Why It Matters,” wrote about the subject in Make It, where she explains that there are 3 things you can do to be more persuasive.

To be more persuasive: 3 psychology tips

Remember that persuasion is an art, you don’t want others to feel that you are playing with their mind or emotions, but you want them to accept what you say, understand your point of view and decide to accept it for themselves.

No need to say things perfectly

study from the University of Texas says that people don’t listen to everything you say and they don’t remember every word or detail, so you don’t need to say everything perfectly or justify your explanation or request for details.

According to a study by Cornell University, there is a thing called “fuzzy-trace theory,” which refers to the fact that the brain only remembers certain details of the information it receives, and it is the essence of the information that leaves the most trace.

Knowledge is important because it means that you don’t have to make a big speech, but rather that you have to focus on making the right impression and creating a connection, something that allows it to “hang on” and grasp the substance of what you’re going to ask.

You must do it in person

Maybe you think you can express yourself better by email or SMS (it’s also less humiliating to be rejected by these means), but written messages are easier to reject (because the other person doesn’t have to do it in front of you). So if you’re going to ask or propose something, it’s always best to do it in person, where you can use non-verbal language and other tricks to be persuasive.

Increase confidence level

“Fake it until you make it.” One study found that people tend to reduce their level of confidence when they have to ask or propose something, which can lead to mistakes, unheard instincts, or changes made to conform to the opinion of others.

在辦公室的辦公桌前微笑的女商人。 - confidence 個照片及圖片檔

A person who does not trust themselves does not inspire confidence, gives the impression that they are not sure what they are doing or want to achieve, and their message is less convincing. So it’s important to act as if you know that everything is going to work out, learn to make your point, and defend your position when you know something can work. Don’t expect the worst.

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