Today, more and more girls are thinking about creating a family – or at least a strong and long relationship – after 30 years. It’s not good or bad, it’s just life.
On the one hand, this is even correct: at a relatively mature age, you already know what you want from life, and where to move on. On the other hand, a novel at 30 is not at all what a novel is at 20 when the wind is still walking in your head and you see only pluses in your beloved.
What do you need to do to start a new and truly happy relationship after 30 years?
Analyze what you want
If you’ve never really thought about what you want from your partner, now is the time to figure it out. Write down the names of the last few people you’ve met. Next to each name, list the five main things you liked about them and the five main things you didn’t like. And find patterns. This will be exactly what you should pay close attention to in the following relationships.
Let go of the past
Many girls in their 30s have experienced some kind of personal tragedy of grief — whether it’s betrayal, breakup, or even divorce. Your past has shaped you, but it should not affect your present or future. Focus on what’s happening now and see where you’re going next.
“All of our previous partners and our beloved’s previous partners are allies in our growth and healing,” the psychologists say.
When you’ve had a lot of failed relationships, the natural defense mechanism is activated and alertness is heightened. But if you don’t let anyone get close, you won’t find “the same one.”
When you meet someone and there is mutual sympathy, relax. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
Beware of Negative Thinking
If you’ve had several failed relationships, marriage — or even a long partnership — may seem like a pipe dream. But it’s important not to let that negative thinking get the better of you. Learn to notice these thoughts and fears and get rid of them.
Take your time
It’s easy to get carried away with dreams of something you don’t already have. It’s normal to want to meet the one, marry him, and have children. But it is not normal on the first date over a cup of coffee to come up with names for future sons. Focus on just having fun and getting to know the person better. There shouldn’t be a feeling that you’re rushing to the finish line.
Don’t be jealous of your ex
There’s nothing strange about being jealous or comparing yourself to your new partner’s ex-wife. But don’t slide into paranoia. If you feel that your partner’s relationship with your ex is really getting in the way of you or hurting your personal boundaries, just talk honestly about it.© Getty Images how to build a serious relationship with a man
Be open to a wider age range
Does age matter? Yes, but not as huge as some people think. Especially if you’re in your 30s. The difference of a few years will definitely not be as noticeable as in 18.
“Ultimately, it all comes down to the level of maturity and the coincidence of life views. Don’t rush to write people off because they’re too old or too young for you. Relationships arise because two people are in love, mutually support each other, have a great time together, and, most importantly, want the same thing from life and relationships, “psychologists say.
Don’t meet someone you don’t like.
If you don’t like someone, stop talking to them, stop texting them, and meeting with them. Life is too short. It’s better to get some sleep at home and read a new book than to spend time with someone you don’t see a future with.
Psychologists believe that it is after 30 years that the period of “most effective” dates begins because girls already know what they want. And any dead-end relationship is nipped in the bud.
You and your potential significant other should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. Even if there are disagreements, discuss them in an adult way. If you don’t communicate honestly early in the relationship, it’s likely to only get worse as things unfold.
Prioritize and don’t forget about yourself
Don’t give up the fundamental things that make you who you are in order to find a soul mate. You can make small compromises – that’s okay. But do not bend under other people and do not change yourself radically. Listen to yourself, your intuition, and your heart.
Don’t settle for less, but don’t seek perfection
You don’t have to build a relationship just for the sake of someone being around. Such a relationship will not be healthy, will not bring happiness, and, most likely, will not last long. Often girls over 30 begin to panic – suddenly they will never get married, will not give birth to children, and will be lonely all their lives. This causes some to settle for an unloved and not at all ideal partner for the sake of a sense of security.
“Instead of fixating on the ticking of the clock, understand that it will be more accurate to wait until you find the right person and adopt children with them, rather than chasing biological children with a partner who is not suitable for you,” say expert psychologists.
However, waiting for Mr. Perfection is also not worth it. The truth is somewhere in between. A healthy relationship is based on taking small steps toward each other and accepting each other’s small flaws for the sake of love.