In difficult times, the support of a loved one is very important. But you need to know how to properly provide it, so as not to aggravate the situation and not to make it even worse. About how to act so that the help really had a beneficial effect, will tell Varvara Vlasova – blogger, influencer, traveler.
Method 1. “I’m ready to listen to you”
Often in a difficult situation, you need to speak out in front of someone he trusts. Show that you are not indifferent to what is happening to your loved one, offer to listen to him. Ask leading questions: “Tell me what happened?”, “What worries you most about this situation?”, “What caused this?”. Do not try to evaluate what has been said – just make it clear that you are ready to support your loved one.
Method 2. “Can I hug you?”
When it seems that everything around is collapsing, it is especially important to feel a “strong shoulder” nearby. If the relationship allows, hug a friend or colleague, take a hand or put your palm on your shoulder. This will help him feel that there is someone close and reliable nearby – someone on whom you can rely and shift some of your worries. Hugs are often comforting no worse than a frank conversation.
Method 3. “Don’t be afraid to express your feelings”
It is difficult for us to be close to someone who is genuinely suffering. Subconsciously, we strive to cheer up the interlocutor, make him laugh, translate everything into a joke. But that’s not how it works. The stage of negative emotions is important – in order to accept and let go of the situation. Say you’re not judging him. And that experiencing grief, frustration, and even anger is normal, and there’s no need to be afraid to show those feelings. Help a friend open up to you to ease their pain. Throwing out his experiences, he will feel better.
Method 4. “You’re not alone in your experiences”
Show that you understand the feelings of a loved one: tell about a similar situation that you had to go through, and how you overcame it. But go into details only if you asked about them – do not overload your narrative with unnecessary details. And in general, do not draw the focus of attention on yourself: after the story, return again to the situation that worries your friend. Perhaps your story will help him find some clues to solve his problem. And he will show that he is not alone.
Method 5. “It’s really hard.
In a difficult situation, a person needs to know that his feelings are not devalued by loved ones and that others understand how difficult it is for him. Therefore, do not become in the position of a “professional guru”, do not try to lecture or tell how to act “to fix everything”. Share his experiences with your friend, recognizing their significance and importance.
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Method 6. “What can I do to help?”
Talking is important, but sometimes a person needs a different kind of help. Ask what you can do for him. Sometimes a simple manifestation of household care is valuable: make a cup of tea, watch a movie together, prepare a bath or go for a walk. Or offer specific actions to address the situation, if you have the opportunity.
Method 7. “If you want, I’ll be with you”
It is very difficult to realize that I was left alone with my grief. That’s why it’s so valuable when there’s someone close to you. Offer to spend an evening or a few days with a person – this will help him feel protected and quickly restore the internal resource.
Method 8. “I’m near”
This is an anchor phrase that will allow a person not to plunge headlong into experiences with the feeling that no one needs him. Even if you don’t have the ability to be around physically, you can call by phone or video link so that the friend has a sense of co-presence.
Method 9. “I know you need time — don’t rush”
In our society, being weak is a shame. Namely, such is considered a person who can not quickly gather, push his feelings away and begin to live a “normal” life. The lack of opportunity to fully survive the loss or difficult situation does not pass without a trace: often repressed emotions manifest themselves later – in the form of various psychosomatic diseases. So give the person time to grieve.
Method 10. “You can count on me in the future”
Concluding the conversation, be sure to mention that you are ready to support a loved one further. So that he knows that he can count on you. After all, it often happens that in the first couple of days, others really show activity and sympathy, and then self-withdraw or move away. While their help is still needed! The most important thing is to be sincere in your desire to help! It’s always felt.
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